Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hunger Strike update!

For more information, see our earlier coverage of this shocking situation.

Warden Michael Mock is now reporting that a deal has been reached with the prisoner known as "Secondborn", who has been refusing to eat in order to protest the conditions of his imprisonment. "It turns out that all we needed was a different piece of pizza," Mock told reporters at a press conference this afternoon. "Once we swapped slices, he wolfed it right down. Then he had some cereal, and a banana. And then another banana. Oh, and finally a stick of cheese."

With the conflict resolved, our anonymous source reports that Secondborn has had his privileges restored. He is now, among other things, allowed to have his time in the prison yard. "He's got it pretty good, actually," said our source. "I mean, there's an inflatable pool and lots of toys out there. He has exercise equipment... well, okay, they're trees, but he's allowed to climb in them. And if he doesn't want to do any of that, he can watch movies in the living room."

Asked if this situation would result in any revised policies regarding the treatment of his prisoners, Warden Mock responded that people should not make assumptions about the harsh conditions at his facility. "We're not monsters," he said. "We have to be firm sometimes, but we try to be fair and consistent."

Coming up next: Point vs. Point discusses "Warden Michael Mock - a good man with a hard job, or a monster in disguise?" Topics will include enforced bedtimes, restrictions on video games, and the shocking lack of cookies in the pantry. Then stay tuned for six-year-old Daniel Biggins' latest documentary, "The Devil's Toothbrushes" which explores the horrors forced on modern by children by the secretive organization known as the American Dental Association.

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